Making jewellery

I love beading. Those who know me, know that I love designing and making jewellery, and in fact it was my job back in New Zealand. So you can imagine how happy I was when I got involved in making jewellery here.... and guess who for?!?

Yup you guessed it. Their Lordships themselves. Check it out.

Earrings made by yours truly.

(Click for a larger view)

(I didn't actually make anything for Madhava, but I couldn't really leave Him out now could I)

Yasoda-Mayi

I was given a chance to dress Yasoda-Damodar this morning. There was no way I was going to turn down this opportunity - Kartik only runs for another week or so, I may never chance again. So this afternoon at 1pm saw myself at the temple along with a few others for instructions from Balaram Priya. There were two of us, myself and Chaitanya-Lila Mataji, assigned to dressed Yasoda, and two assigned to dress Damodar. I was so excited.... this is the closest I'll ever come to dressing large deities, at least for now.

I struggled with sharing the task, I wanted things done my way and the way I saw fit, which tended to clash a lot with Chaitanya-Lila's ideas. I liked the blue sari, yet she liked the pink. I had to learn to accept that sometimes Krsna (in this case Yasoda-Mayi) wanted things a certain way, and although it may seem like we were dressing her, nothing was done by chance. We'd (finally) agree on a pair of earrings - only to search without success for the matching pair. We would put flowers all through her hair, only for them to fall out after a few moments. Krsna really was in charge, despite what we thought.

Overall she looked gorgeous, and Shalini and Nandini did a fabulous job dressing Damodar.

That evening, as I offered my lamp to all of the deities, I smiled to myself quietly when I got to Yasoda-Mayi.

Diwali

Srimati Tulasi Devi

Last week we acquired a Tulasi plant in our house. I chose her from a row of "retired" Tulasi plants behind the temple room (retired only meaning ones that weren't used for offering to the deities anymore), and for some reason I liked the one that had a small broken branch, and had been "bandaged" and tied up with a silk yellow ribbon.

Yesterday I sprinkled her with a light layer of haldi powder - apparently this helps to keep away any diseases - and left her out on the balcony to enjoy the days sun. This morning Ishaan went out to the balcony to eat his breakfast and after a few minutes called out to me - "Tulasi is just beautiful with turmeric all over her isn't she, she has yellow powder on her and she just looks so beautiful mama."

I agree. She is so beautiful.

A simple prayer

Okay so for a few weeks now I've had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that in less than 5 months, I'll be back in New Zealand. I don't care to think about that too much, and I've kind of been avoiding facing the reality of that.

This morning one of my close friends asked me that if given the chance, would I stay in Mayapur forever? I answered straight away without thinking and without any hesitation. "Forever". And then I thought back to all the fleeting moments here in Mayapur, where I was genuinely happy to be right there.... making earrings for Radharani and the sakhis, signing up for the basic deity worship course and the cooking classes, working on the floor layout and marble placement for the new temple, singing the damodarastakam prayers and offering a lamp, sitting and laughing together in a room with my friends enjoying Jagannath maha-prasad... the list in endless... and I realised I just don't want to to leave.

I really do think that if I had the opportunity, I would live in Mayapur for as long as I could, as long as Sri Sri Radha Madhava allow me to be here. The longer I stay here, the more I grow attached to this place and the more I don't want to leave.

Radha Madhava are you listening? Gauranga Mahaprabhu you are so merciful and can deliver the most fallen of souls... that makes me a perfect candidate to deliver. Let me be here and continue to serve You in whatever small way possible. That is my only wish.

All Blacks

Is it offensive that I dressed Anapayini Radha in black (and white) in celebration of the All Blacks playing in the Rugby World Cup final this afternoon? I hope not because She looks super cute today.

For details on RWC fever in Mayapur, check out this post

Prayers during Kartik

I arrived at the temple amidst a roaring kirtan, everyone turned towards Lord Nrsimhadeva. Hands were high in the air, sweat beads dripping from foreheads, mouths open in loudly chanting the Lords prayers and best of all, faces of ecstasy and absolute happiness. The resounding "Jaya Nrsimhadeva" came to an end and everyone scrambled for a small space to bow down in front of this ferocious form of the Lord. The room was packed full of people, pilgrims coming from far and wide to catch a glimpse of Sri Madhava.

I came around and up the back of the temple room, and surveyed the ka-zillions of people for small area to sit. As I inched my way closer to the front of the room, the main lights were switched out, and the whole mood of the room changed. Ghee lamps lit every corner of the temple room. The kirtan began a slow tune and everyone's eyes turned to the main altar of Sri Sri Radha Madhava.

I sat down right in the middle of the room, feeling the sweat dripping down my back and not caring about how uncomfortable it made me feel. The Damodarastakam prayers began slowly and everyone hushed, ready for the beautiful song to begin. I love these prayers.

As the eight verses are sung, people move about, offering their small deepas to the deities. Pilgrims, devotees, brahmacaris, young children, old ladies, everyone is there. I observe the flow of the people about me. Some like to offer their lamps fast, like they have somewhere to go, somewhere to be. Some have a path they follow - Radha Madhava, Panca Tattva, then Nrsimhadeva. Some come with friends, some with family, kids, dadi-ma, some come and offer alone. Some hold two lamps and offer them together, like they are offering on behalf of someone. And some are so absorbed in their prayers and offering to Lord Sri Krsna, that they are in a world of their own, as if nothing else is around them.

The Damodarastakam prayers continue, and I listen to each verse, trying to remember the translation for each one. I make a mental note to bring the translation with me on a piece of paper tomorrow, to remind myself what I am singing about. At the end of each verse, the singer goes back to the first and main verse of the prayers, and with that brings a faster and more excited beat, as if everyone were about to get up and jump around the room. The temple room fills up around me with more people sitting down after they finish their lamp offerings.

Soon, the beat gets faster and faster, as the prayers come to a close. Madhava's face is shining above all the accumulated deepas and He seems to be smiling a little wider than usual. The gopi's jewellery sparkle in the dim light and Sri Radhika sweet face glows. What better place to be than here! How can I imagine life beyond this?

As the kirtan party begin a new beat and song, I bow down in obeisance and head out to the back door to get my small lamp. Outside the night air is refreshing, and the fairy lights draped over the large lotus building create dancing shadows everywhere. I enjoy the cool breeze for a short while before dipping my un-lit wick into a bowl of camphor and entering the temple room again.

Now its my turn to offer a lamp, and I have a few prayers of my own.

Photos by Mandakini

Kartik in Mayapur

Kartik always reminds me of the Vraja Mandala Parikram of 1994. I would've been about 11 or 12, and I was travelling through Vraj with my father... and about 500 other devotees. I have good memories of that particular Kartik - early morning wake up, kichari and yoghurt for breakfast, checking the book to see how many kilometres we would be walking that day, stopping under the shade of some trees to hear Deena Bandhu recite many wonderful stories of Krsna's pastimes, performing in the dramas, swimming in all the holy kunds... the list goes on. Because of that year, kartik time has always been the sweetest time of the year, my most favorite.

This year will be a whole different experience, and one I can't wait for. When I first knew I was going to be living in India this year, I had some idea that I would go to Vrndavan for at kartik time, but somehow that hasn't been possible. Instead tomorrow begins a month of lamp offerings, damodarastakam prayers, and candle-lit aratis.

--- -- - -- ---

"If somebody burns a lamp in the temple of Lord Shri Hari even for a short time (in the month of Kartik), then whatever sins, he has acquired for millions of kalpas (one kalpa equals 1000 yugas) are all destroyed." - Padma Purana

Half-way

So this week will mark 6 months since leaving New Zealand. I never actually thought I would make it this far without being kicked out of Mayapur - Krsna can even make it look like it was MY idea to leave! It seems my stay here has gone without a hitch too - though I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I've been taken care of and looked after well and different months have brought different experiences and situations.


In the first six months in India, notable achievements - spiritual and not - include:

* Helping with the veshas of Lord Jagannath during chandan yatra.

* Moving house - and back again.

* Started work for the construction of the biggest temple in India. In that, learnt about Photoshop.

* Combining two of my worlds by entertaining a non-devotee friend from New Zealand, showing her all aspects of devotional life in Mayapur and all about Krsna and Srila Prabhupada.

* Chasing a runaway train in Kolkata (and catching it).

* Chanting japa regularly.

* Swimming in the Ganga during rainy season.

* Understanding what it means to worship a deity form of Krsna - or in my case, Sri Anapayini.

* Eating at Govindas restaurant in Kolkata.

* Taking sweet-rice to Lord Jagannath, Baladeva and Subhadra in Rajapur evey dvadasi and getting to take Their beautiful darshan.

* Making new friends and discovering new (creepy Indian) admirers/stalkers.

* Shopping for hours at Newmarket and ending the evening with street food (and NOT getting sick after).

* Discovering a whole world of new festivals I didn't even know existed.

* Started learning Kathak dance.

* Understanding more my relationship with Krsna and what it means to really be a Servant of Sri Radha.


The last 6 months have begun and I am already sad, knowing that soon I won't have the right to call Mayapur home.

The Thakura's Prophecy

From the great talents of Uncle Prani (who has known me since I was 3), Shrisha (who works in the offices with me) and Prani's helicopter camera ... comes this wonderful video of Bhaktivinode Thakur's prediction of a great temple rising in Mayapur Dham. Watch it, it it AMAZING. Well worth the download waiting time.

The Thakura's Prophecy from Paul Tuffery. The Video Guys on Vimeo.

I've never felt so honoured to be part of building this temple than before now. Thank you Krsna, for letting an insignificant spider like myself help in whatever way I can.

Vamsi

Am I the only one who thinks the sound of the flute is just incredible? Not the flute with tabla or sitar or anything else, just the flute. I could listen to it all day...

Do I think this because I have grown up knowing that the sweet sounds of Krsna's flute are enough to make the animals and birds stop to listen, the gopis stop their cooking? Or is it just because I simply like the sound of the flute?

A flute is just a piece of decorated bamboo if not held by the soft lotus hand of that sweet blue boy... ...

Where is home?

So far I haven't really thought of Mayapur as home. Maybe its because I haven't had an apartment of my own - moving one place to the other, or maybe its because this trip has an expiry date and I know when I'm going back. Maybe its because everything is different and not what I'm used to - the weather, the food, the people... Maybe its just because I don't feel at home. Is that offensive to say? I feel like there are devotees all around the world that would love to call Mayapur home, and therefore am I completely out of line by saying I, myself, don't feel at home? Do I really long for the cold NZ winters and the expensive and chaotic way of life?

At the same time however, I don't really think of Christchurch as home now either (don't kill me fellow Cantabrians!) mostly becasue of all the changes going on there too. This morning I was sent a before and after shot of the inner city outdoor mall - Cashel Mall, and the difference between the two photos is incredible... its almost like the "after" shot could be a "before the buildings were built" shot. There's nothing left. What kind of city will I be going back to and do I really want to go back there? The photos made me a little sad, and thats when I wondered to myself: Where is home for me?

Standing out on my parents balcony tonight I thought about this. For as long as I know, I've been a New Zealander, born and bred Cantabrian, down under, no, not Australia, the little island next to it, I'm a kiwi. But does that mean I'm supposed to stay there forever and always call that home? I'm enjoying myself too much here to want to go back home. This is home now, this is where my heart and my life is. How I long for it to be that way forever.

I'm almost halfway through my "1 year in India", and already the next six months are making me feel claustrophobic. I'm already missing the bus ride to the Jagannath Mandir, Indians staring in my direction, chattering around me (and about me), the boat ride to Navadwipa in the early hours of the morning, the sun peeking over the hills promising a scorcher of a day. I'm already missing Goswami ghat and swimming with the buffaloes, wandering down to Nimai's shop for a half a kg of paneer or a dozen lemons. The quiet walk to the hati park and to visit my brother on a Sunday, the busy offices of the ToVP and the morning knock on the door of Uttam the dudh-wallah. I don't want to say goodbye.

Mayapur

Always time to think
Always time to pray
Such a slow pace life
Oh why can't I stay

Cooling days
Sweet gentle rain
Familiar faces return
Feels like home again

21 Offerings

I think the next time I make such a ambiguous attempt at something like this, I shall think again. I'll still do it... I'll just make sure I'm properly prepared next time and have plenty of time up my sleeve.

Thing is, I thought I WAS really well prepared - all the ingredients sorted, spices, vegetables, extra milk and paneer from the dudh-wallah. I'd made a list three days earlier of what exactly I was going to cook, and everything I needed to cook it all - except somewhere in the chaos that was Ishaan's birthday party and moving from one apartment to the other, I'd lost the list. And I started late as it was - had to wait for the maid to finish washing all the dishes and clean the kitchen before I could start.

 I scribbled down a new list - everything off the top of my head that I knew I could make, and then began filling the gaps. By the time I started, there were still 4-5 numbers that hadn't been filled. Oh well, I could decide what to fill them with later. I began with simple preps first - cabbage subji, scrambled paneer, nimbu pani. Soon, I had 4 clay pots full and thought I was doing pretty well. Crossing the dishes off my list was satisfying. "This is easy" I thought " I might even be finished early!"

 Then all of a sudden it was 1.45pm and not even half of the 21 pots had been filled. Where had all the time gone? I still had pakoras, two subjis, halavah and the 4-5 blanks in my list that needed filling! I started to panic. The kitchen got messier as I worked quickly, and the room seemed to get hotter by the second. I sent a quick text round to everyone who was coming to have prasad "Running late. Not ready till 2.30pm. Sorry." I kept working, head down and my hands going at double speed. Now I wasn't meditating on Radharani, I was meditating of being fast. Must. Get, This. Finished. NOW! Sadhana and Revati arrived and chatted in the lounge, oblivious to my panic in the kitchen.

 Mandakini arrived with the chapatis (phew, number 12 crossed off my list!) but I still had two more offerings to make up the 21. A quick scan in the fridge and I decided to offer the orange juice that was in there, and some cookies. Cheating I know.

 Finally at 3pm, 1 hour after the original agreed time, I put tulasi on all dishes and sat down with the bell to offer them all to Anapayini Radha. The kitchen looked like a tornado had hit it, I had run out of paneer, milk, vegetables and even some spices. I was 1 hour late. I was hot and sticky and had sweat all over my face. But nothing could beat the satisfying calmness that I felt right then.


Actually I lie... serving Sadhana, Mandakini, Revati and Ishaan everything, and watch their plates slowly empty... nothing could beat THAT feeling.

 All glories to Srimati Radharani, the best cook!

 

Full list of preparations

1. Basmati Rice

2. Yellow split mung dal

3. Cabbage subji

4. Scrambled Paneer

5. Baked Pumpkin 

6. Paneer, tomato & capsicum subji with coconut milk

7. Fried eggplant with lemon and rosemary

8. Paneer "steaks" in tomato sauce

9. Fried tomatoes with basil

10. Gauranga Potatoes

11. Hot buttered chapatis (made by Mandakini)

12. Paneer pakoras

13. Spicy tomato chutney

14. Cucumber & carrot raita

15. Nimbu Pani

16. Orange juice

17. Cucumber, tomato & carrot salad with lemon juice dressing

18. Sweet Rice

19. Halava

20. Custard

21. Cookies

Cooking for Sri Radha

Original painting by Yasoda Dulal das (my father)

I saw somewhere recently (probably facebook) where a devotee cooked a 51-prep offering for their istha-dev for Janmastami this year. And so it got me thinking...

Radhastami is fast approaching and seeing as this is my all time most favorite ever in the whole wide world nothing beats it festival of the year, perhaps I could do something similar? Ok so maybe not 51 preps, but something manageable, 21 maybe? Whats the right amount? Is there a right and wrong amount of preparations one can make for the deity? hmmm that might be one I'll need to look up in Pancharatna Pradip.

In any case a menu must be made (would definitely appreciate some ideas for dishes and preps!), ingredients bought, recipes sought out. And of course recipients of the prasad chosen........

Testing Faith

Almost as soon as Kowhai arrived in Mayapur dham, Krsna took care of her.

We got home after a long 2 days in Kolkata, showered and dressed quickly to attend the festivities for Sri Balaram Jayanti, and the last day of the swing festival. We had taken an early train to get back in time, but already the festival had started. We got dressed quickly. Although I had told Kowhai she wasn't obliged to come to the festival, I wanted her to see what I see - the fun and festivities, the prasadam, worship, love for Krsna.

We arrived at the festival site just as devotees and pilgrims were lining up to get a chance to push Radha-Madhava on Their beautifully decorated swing, and I pulled Kowhai's hand to join the queue. She must have been a little bewildered - we had come in such a hurry - and barely got time to let out an "ooh" and "wow" at the fairy lights, flower garlands and beautiful decorations.

Once we were safely behind the barriers to wait our turn, I began to explain Jhulan Yatra to her, and the reasoning behind the different things that were going on around us. I told her what the boys sitting in the middle were doing; rhythmically playing the drum, clanging the symbols, singing sweetly into the microphone. I explained why the festival was taking place, what we were celebrating and exactly what they were doing with the big clay pots of food up by Radha Madhava.

The line was moving fairly quickly, every now and then stopping for 20 minutes or so in order to complete an offering off bhoga. The barrier finally lifted for our turn to swing, and we both rushed forward, ready to take that string and partake in Radha-Madhava's jhulan pastimes. As it so happened, we ended up being up close to Radha Madhava for a bhoga offering - at least 20 minutes - and I marveled at how Lord Sri Krsna had timed this. Kowhai was amazed by the swing, the garlands, the fruit decorations and the water features all around. I continued a running commentary of everything that was going on, and she silently took everything in.

Later, after Kowhai and Ishaan had crashed in their beds after the exhausting few days gone, I thought about what it meant for Kowhai to come here. To Mayapur Dham, one of the most holiest of places. Surely she has a connection with Krsna and has unfinished business from a previous life. It is my duty to pass on my knowledge to her, so she can fully understand the lifestyle I lead, and not because its all about me and how I live. Because she has come here, not by chance, but because Krsna has led her here.

Now I'm no preacher. I grew up understanding that Krsna wears yellow cloth and has a peacock feather in his hair, and this I know to be true... just as we have all grown up knowing the grass is green and the ocean has waves. But to explain this simple truth to someone who has no clue... where do I begin? I did't want to scare her away, leaving her with memories of some sort of cult she visited and disliked. Loving Krsna is blissful and sublime, what could be better than that? And here she is, with an open mind and an open heart...

Over the past 10-12 days I have shown Kowhai all around Mayapur and explained everything I know to her. We didn't sit down in the evening and discuss literature or Krsna stories. We never attended any morning classes. I simply explained all that was going on around us and answered any questions she had about what I told her. We would go to temple darshan at 7am, and I would talk through what they were offering to the deities, what we were all singing, why we would take caranamrta and so on. We went to the Jagannath Mandir, the Yoga Pith, Prabhupada's Samadhi. I was amazed at how much she picked up, how much she respected and how much she accepted. Sometimes it was her explaining things to me, or correcting me.

Above all else I felt a true test of faith in my explanations to Kowhai. She would sometimes ask me questions that I wouldn't know the answer to, or perhaps dig deeper in to reasonings behind certain things we do. I was forced to sit back and think about why I do do certain things, and why we follow certain guidelines. Do I do them because I understand WHY, or is it simply because I have told that way to be true? In essence I found myself preaching to me as well, reiterating things I already knew but had forgotten or let slip, reminding myself of the reasons behind things.

No, I didn't find all the answers to the questions she asked. Some of them we searched together to find them, others we just left hanging. But it is now up to me to find those answers, and understand them fully. How can I claim to "preach" and to be a devotee of Krsna if I do not understand Krsna Consciousness fully? Perhaps when Kowhai returns to Mayapur (not in her immediate future plans but who knows, Krsna works in mysterious ways!) then I can give her the answers she needs.

A few thoughts

Apologies for not writing sooner. I actually had a few posts I wanted to write on different things, but never got the chance to sit down and put thoughts to paper - or laptop should I say... and slowly these thoughts have faded. Tsk tsk I say to myself - as that was the purpose in this blog.

This is the festival month. Jhulan Yatra begins tomorrow, Balaram's appearance day on Saturday, Janmastami, Srila Prabhupada's Vyasa Puja... its all happening! And you know how much I love festivals!

I've been helping out with Srila Prabhupada's Vyasa Puja book this year - they asked me to design the cover. Simple right, they're doing all the hard work and creating the pages each from scratch. Every page has a different drawing, pressed flowers, sketches, braid, painting... you name it, its in the book. So the cover should be a piece of cake right. Thats what I thought. I started making it with all confidence, a design in my head and off I went. But the days have turned into weeks, and now when I approach the project to work more on it, my inspiration dies. I started out well, and then I began to get all high and mighty about how I had been asked to design the cover and what an amazing job I am going to do... Although I have to give it to Manisi Rani Mataji in the morning, I am not happy with it and want to start all over again, which is obviously not possible.

Ishaan started school again this morning, after 6 weeks on holiday. I must admit I let that be a great excuse as to why we never made it to darshan arati in the morning. Every evening I would go to bed, enthusiastic to set the alarm and be ready to go by 7am - but when the alarm did go off the next morning, the comfort of my bed was calling louder. Sometimes we would go in the evening for darshan, to make up for it... but deep down I felt a little pang of guilt that I couldn't spare an hour in the morning to go and see the Lords. Thats why I am here right, to be surrounded by devotees and surrounded by Krsna constantly. So why should I be making excuses as to why I didn't go and see Him? I never feel guilty about not going to darshan arati in New Zealand, why here, why now?

In any case with the start of school today, I made an effort to get us back into routine - early nights and early mornings again. When I saw the deities this morning, I wondered why I had been making so many goddam excuses... I missed Them.

Death

I stumbled across some horrific images online the other day, of dead bodies after a crime - suicide, murder, car crashes and so on. I'm not even sure how I came upon the site, and in fact as soon as I saw what it was, a voice in the back of my head told me to close it down, close it down. But it was one of those things, I just couldn't tear my eyes away from the horror. Some photos there was no blood, and the person seemed like they were just sleeping - until you saw a limb 20m away from the body. Other photos there was blood everywhere and it was hard to determine where the body actually was. And some images even had close-up shot of the exact damage if it was really severe. I won't begin to explain, you'll get nightmares.

Because I did. Ever since then all I can think about is what if I die some horrific death and end up like one of those bodies? Its not something I think about much, I've always though t I'd just deal with it when it came. Idealistically I imagined living until I was an old grandma, and being on my deathbed surrounded by photos of Krsna, tulasi around my neck, a Prabhupada japa recording playing in the background, or kirtan. Surrounded by everything that will ensure the last thing I think of in my last breath would be that smiling blue boy playing his sweet flute.

But who am I kidding, that kind of death is a special one. Most probably I'll get some sort of disease that will have me lying in a cold sterile hospital bed, or I'll choke on a puchka and die a slow painful death on the Mayapur road-side. Hey, at least I'll be in the dhama right?

Enough, enough of the morbid thoughts. This post is turning out to be a bit dark I know, and I'm sorry. I guess seeing those images really jolted me into thinking about how I'm going to go, and that in actual fact it could be anytime, anywhere.

So how can I ensure that even if I DO die from a fatal car accident, I can remember Krsna at the time of death? Is there even a way to ensure that? The thought of taking birth again here is horrifying, especially as I see Kali-Yuga rapidly progressing right in front of my eyes. I have to make the most of the knowledge I was given in this lifetime. If I were to die tomorrow, would I be prepared? Would I be pleased with the progress in Krsna Consciousness that I had made up until that point?

I must keep reminding myself that death could be around any corner.

NZ and Mayapur

So last night I was listening to a bit of non-devotional music. I know, gasp horror tsk tsk. I'm in Mayapur, it almost feels against one of the regulative principals to be playing anything but Krsna-conscious music, but perhaps I just wanted to hear something that reminded me of NZ.

Actually all week I've been feeling a bit homesick and looking forward to going back in March. I felt like a traitor thinking that - how many people would kill to be in my place right now!? Don't get me wrong though, its not that I can't handle it here and I hate it and want to go home, in fact quite the opposite, I want to stay here, I love it... I'm just looking forward to going home as well.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just "trying it out". Being a devotee I mean. Sometimes things work for me, sometimes they don't and I just take the things i like and go with that. But thats not the rules... if you want to go back home to Krsna and get out of this material world in THIS lifetime, you have to give it your all or not. Sure you can make some advancement by offering inscense and a flower to a photo of Krsna every day, but how much if, at the same time, you go down to the pub every night for a beer or two? Ah what am I talking about... I'm no expert. And being in Mayapur I can pretend I'm a PD (Pure Devotee), but Krsna knows really whats in my heart.

I'm not going to lie. I miss the convenience and ease of being in NZ, I miss just hanging out Jen and the kids at her house or mine, or cooking in my own kitchen at home. God knows I REALLY miss dancing 2-3 times a week and knowing that the supermarket will be open and have what I want if I go at midnight. I miss the 'normal' weather and (don't shoot me) I miss the tv shows I regularly watch in the evenings. All of these things, plus more, I cant wait to go back to next year.

And when I go back, I'll miss the sound of the conch and then the bell faintly coming in through my window and biking to the Jagannath Mandir every dvadasi. I'll miss going down to the Ganga to cool off every day and popping over to Nimais and getting frustrated because he STILL doesn't have any cream in stock. I'll miss arguing with the tailor over an unreasonable price (probably the difference of Rs10!) and being able to see Radha Madhava and Pancha Tattva anytime I want.

So how to have best of both worlds?

Not possible Mataji. When in Mayapur, you are missing NZ. When in NZ, you are missing Mayapur. You know which is the "right" place to be, the best place to be pushed up your devotional path easily and in a way that comes naturally.... But are you ready for that yet? You may not have a choice.

Not making any sense to you? Nor to me either.

Flower arrangements (Pt 2)

So I had my third and last weekend of flower arranging. (Read about the first weekend here) This weekend was interesting, there were so many things I was thinking about, and then thinking about the results of those things I was thinking about, and then not happy with what could happen if I think that way, so trying to quickly change my thinking so I wouldn't get unpleasant results.... PHEW I don't blame you if you don't understand me!

I was so pleased with my last efforts of making the vases. Although on the first day I'd been unsure of what I was doing (and it showed in the vases!), by the second day, and then the weekend after that, I felt like a natural, like this was MY service for the weekend and I was good at it.

Saturday morning I started late, can't remember exactly why. I probably slept through my alarm again. I collected the foliage to use and headed to the temple. Somehow though, when it came time to put the vases together, nothing was working. I had a good amount of flowers and leaves, I had fresh new oasis, I had a decent amount of time... so what was wrong? Nothing was sitting right and nothing was looking good, what was going wrong?

And forewarning there was not happy ending. The end result was a pretty hotch potch job, and certainly not fitting for Lord Caitanya. And to make matters worse the other mataji who makes the larger arrangements (whos work I often judge, and compare with my vases) had done an incredible job. I'm not just saying that, the pujaris commented how amazing hers were! She'd picked yellow bird-of-paradise flowers, violet coloured flowers and other greenery, and the vases were really a fresh burst of colour compared to my dowdy flops.

If I was Mahaprabhu I would've taken one look at my arrangements when they were placed and kicked them off the altar. Seriously, they were that bad.

That'd teach me for making myself right at home in the pujari room and thinking I was so great at the job.

When my alarm went off at 4.30am on Sunday morning, I was nervous. I'd given myself a little more time to collect the greenery, cuz I really didn't want to screw it up this time. It would be the last day I'd be doing this service, and who knows if I could ever do it again. Better get it right.

I found a row the beautiful bright orange bird-of-paradise flowers. Perfect. Yellow plants with long thin leaves and thick stems. Perfect. Long stems of small white flowers. Perfect. Large bright fronds from a coconut tree. Perfect. Long thin leaves from the hedge on the way to the temple. Perfect.

And they turned out fabulous. If I do say so myself. Well, better than yesterday at least. They were a little small for my liking, but otherwise well balanced, colourful, pretty. Me like.

I was sad that this would be the last time I would be doing this service. As much as I'm a night owl, I enjoy the early morning mist while I collected greenery, the busyness of the pujari room as the devotees dress Panca Tattva. The nervousness of whether the vases will turn out okay. Will I be able to do this again soon? At least I finished the last day with beautiful vases.

Secretly I was a little pleased because the mataji who does the larger arrangements didnt completely re-do her vases. She simply pulled out the yellow and purple flowers and pushed in a few stems of white flowers, which meant mine were more colourful. But wait!! I realised I was gloating in my success and actually glad hers weren't as nice as mine. Krsna will never let me do the vases again!. I can't think like that! "Her vases are beautiful."

Phew. Dodged that one. Gotta be careful how I think.

That afternoon, I was asked if I could cover for someone and do the vases Monday morning too. Krsna fulfills all desires... wasn't I just wondering when the next day would be? I was excited... one more day! I don't know how I can beat yesterdays vases, but I get to do it one more day!!!

I'm not exactly sure why, but I walked a different route around the compound this morning to collect the foliage - via the small road that leads to the goshala. I'm glad I did - I found long thin toi tois and red bird-of-paradise flowers. I was set. And while I was humming away making the arrangements this morning, I didn't judge mataji's large arrangements. I didn't compare mine with hers, I didn't secretly smile that I had found toi tois and she just had boring white flowers. I just kept my head down and put together the arrangements.

Although they are larger than I've ever done since I've been doing this service, they are by far my favorite. It helps of course, that they matched the colour of Pancha Tattva's outfit today.

Photographs of Mahaprabhu by Muralidhara Priya das

So when can I do it again?

Things I love

* Tulasi plants grow almost wild everywhere.

* Sometimes there is harinam right outside your window and no one calls noise control.

* Seeing a family of four on a bicycle and not even blinking an eye.

* You can accept food given to you by strangers, because you know it wont have meat, fish or eggs.

* Instead of dressing up and pretending to be a gopi like we did when we were young, now we actually do get to dress up in a sari every day.

* Every house has an altar. (As opposed to a television set.)

* There is no need for a car. Or the costs of maintaining a car.

* Practically every day is a festival.

* Krsna is everywhere. Everywhere.

Srila Prabhupada

Ok so I had a dream about Srila Prabhupada last night. As dreams usually are, it was weird and mis-matched and strange... but he was there. I've often wondered what it would be like to be in the presence of Srila Prabhupada, and stories that older devotees have always intrigue me. I'm not sure if this particular dream meant anything... but in any case I got a small glimpse of what it was like. I wish it didn't end when it did.

At first the strangest thing was that I felt like I was about 8 or 10 years old. I was in some sort of room, with lots of people singing and dancing, and there was arati going on. I'm not sure who we were worshiping, but out attention was focused toward the small vyasasan with a picture frame on it. Srila Prabhupada was doing the arati, and he was offering the flowers. I was facing Prabhupada, rather than the picture frame, and I wasn't singing and chating with everyone else. I was just mesmerised watching Sripa Prabhupada. He was offering with such sincerity, such devotion, like I have never seen before.

He finished offering the flowers, threw a few towards the vyasasan and picture frame, and then looked straight at me. I didn't do anything. He beckoned with his head, holding the flowers in my direction. I went up to him and held my hand out for the flowers. He put the pink and red roses in my hand, and then took my thumb and gave it a pinch and a little shake. I looked up at him and he had a hug grin on his face, like he was teasing me in some way.

I went back to my position sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of him, a little further away than before. By this time there was no kirtan, in fact no one in the room other than just Srila Prabhupada and myself.

And then, as random as dreams can be, all of a sudden everything disappeared. It looked like something similar to a backdrop for a drama being dropped to the ground - everything just collapsed and Prabhupada was gone. I was stuck on a mountainside, 3 metres deep in snow, and sitting in a wrecked car.

In front of me I saw petals of pink and red roses, tumbling along the snow in the wind.

Appreciation

Sometimes I hear something in the distance, a bell ringing in offering, someone singing bhajans, and I smile to myself. Nowhere in the world would you hear that but in Mayapur.

Sometimes I see something happen in front of me, ladies picking flowers for their deities, a child dressed up as Krsna or Rama and I smile to myself. Nowhere else you see that but here.

Sometimes I get a small amount of Krsna's mercy in all sorts of ways, making Mahaprabhu's flower arrangements, a gift of a maha garland, and I smile to myself. Nowhere could I get mercy like that.

Actually this isn't true. These things do happen all of the time all over the world, in every temple and community of devotees, and I guess I've never really noticed how much until coming here to Mayapur. Because in Mayapur it feels different somehow. You see or hear these thing all of the time, at the same time, every day. Just a walk from your home to the temple could have you going past a window where someone is chanting the purusa-sukta prayers, and then another doorway where an ecstatic kirtan is raging. A few steps away and you will pass a 5-year old, a peacock feather in his makeshift turban and waving a flute at you, a big grin on his face. Someone will wave and call out "haribol!" and hand you some sweets from that mornings offering, or invite you to have lunch maha-prasad at their house.

And its only just 7am!

These are the things that are easy to dismiss as everyday life and take for granted.

But everyday life for me at the moment means I am surrounded by all things reminding me of Krsna, whether I like it or not. He will not let me forget Him..

I pray that these simple things remain in my heart, so that I can always appreciate them, whether I am in Mayapur, or elsewhere.

Flower arrangements

Right next to Mahaprabhu's feet, on either side, sit two beautiful flower arrangements, made fresh every day. I never really noticed them much before. Until now.

Last week the devotee who makes these flower arrangements asked me if I could make them a couple days a week, as she's busy with other commitments. When she first asked me, my instant thought was "Don't you have to be initiated or chanting sixteen rounds or super special to be doing things like that?" I told her I didn't think I was that good, I can't make vases, I'm amateur! But she insisted, she needed someone with at least a little artistic flair, and was just too busy herself. The job entailed that you collect the flowers and greenery, and arrive at 6am in the Pancha Tattva pujari room to have them made by 7am. Easy right?

So I agreed, though rather hesitantly. It was Monday that she asked me, so I didn't really think about it again until Friday evening, when I was reminded by someone, and in a rush wandered round the compound for some flowers and leaves. It would've probably been better if I'd collected the greenery the next morning right before making the vases, in order for them to be fresh... but I was so nervous that I wanted to be extra prepared. I had no idea what I was in for, what size they were, how full they needed to be, whether it should be all green or all flowers, how long they would take to do, and even if they would turn out at all!

I guess party of the reason for me being so nervous, was that somehow, I had been asked to do some service for Pancha Tattva, and I was scared about messing it up. Service for the deities is a wonderful thing as it is, but here in Mayapur, the spiritual capital of the world... How fortunate was I! No pressure now, don't make a mess of it!

I set 4 alarms for Saturday morning, just to be sure I would be up with plenty of time to collect more flowers if need be, and be in the pujari room early in case it took me longer than I thought. Can you tell I was nervous? Of course Murphy's law - I was awoken by my mothers loud knocking on the door, half an hour after my alarm(s) had tried to wake me. In a rush I sat upright, panic rushing through me and tripped on the sheets and pillows to unlock the door.

I spent the next half an hour gathering leaves and a few flowers in my large canvas bag, but I really had no idea what I was supposed to be getting. Some greenery looked beautiful, but I was unsure if it was too large, too small, or if it would wilt easily. I was taking wild guesses with everything I picked, and praying to Mahaprabhu that I had something in my bag that would work.

I hadn't really been keeping an eye on the time, but I arrived at 6am sharp. The old arrangements sat there, wilted and sad, awaiting my supposedly artistic touch. This was it. No getting it wrong now. I took all the old flowers out and discarded them in the large green bin, filled the vases with new green foam, and tipped the contents of my canvas bag on the bench.

I had an hour. It was frustrating to begin with, in fact halfway through the process I panicked, and started all over again. Nothing was sitting right, some of the flowers I had gotten were useless and I threw them away, and some of them were perfect but I didn't have enough. I've done flower arrangements before, why was this so hard? I had half an hour left.

Suddenly it was 7am and I had two arrangements in front of me, somehow just done. I'm not sure how I managed to pull it off with the pathetic selection of greenery I chose, but they were almost done. Just needed a few touches here and there, they weren't quite perfect yet. I walked over to the cupboard to take the scissors out to use, turned around and one of the arrangements had gone! I stopped. Did I miss something? Did it fall and I didn't hear it? Before I started to think I was going crazy, the pujari came out from the deity room, picked up the remaining arrangement, and went back inside, glancing over his shoulder at me - "These are finished, yes?"

What could I say. No they're not finished, I really hadn't got them quite perfect yet, but apparently Mahaprabhu liked them just the way they were. Who was I to argue.


This morning I was a lot more peaceful, and a little more prepared. I only spent 20 minutes choosing the greenery and flowers, I'd brought my iPod to listen to, and I had a plan of attack. I went in the pujari room, a smile on my face... and finished with time to spare.


Have YOU ever noticed the flower arrangements right next to Mahaprabhu's feet?