A few thoughts

Apologies for not writing sooner. I actually had a few posts I wanted to write on different things, but never got the chance to sit down and put thoughts to paper - or laptop should I say... and slowly these thoughts have faded. Tsk tsk I say to myself - as that was the purpose in this blog.

This is the festival month. Jhulan Yatra begins tomorrow, Balaram's appearance day on Saturday, Janmastami, Srila Prabhupada's Vyasa Puja... its all happening! And you know how much I love festivals!

I've been helping out with Srila Prabhupada's Vyasa Puja book this year - they asked me to design the cover. Simple right, they're doing all the hard work and creating the pages each from scratch. Every page has a different drawing, pressed flowers, sketches, braid, painting... you name it, its in the book. So the cover should be a piece of cake right. Thats what I thought. I started making it with all confidence, a design in my head and off I went. But the days have turned into weeks, and now when I approach the project to work more on it, my inspiration dies. I started out well, and then I began to get all high and mighty about how I had been asked to design the cover and what an amazing job I am going to do... Although I have to give it to Manisi Rani Mataji in the morning, I am not happy with it and want to start all over again, which is obviously not possible.

Ishaan started school again this morning, after 6 weeks on holiday. I must admit I let that be a great excuse as to why we never made it to darshan arati in the morning. Every evening I would go to bed, enthusiastic to set the alarm and be ready to go by 7am - but when the alarm did go off the next morning, the comfort of my bed was calling louder. Sometimes we would go in the evening for darshan, to make up for it... but deep down I felt a little pang of guilt that I couldn't spare an hour in the morning to go and see the Lords. Thats why I am here right, to be surrounded by devotees and surrounded by Krsna constantly. So why should I be making excuses as to why I didn't go and see Him? I never feel guilty about not going to darshan arati in New Zealand, why here, why now?

In any case with the start of school today, I made an effort to get us back into routine - early nights and early mornings again. When I saw the deities this morning, I wondered why I had been making so many goddam excuses... I missed Them.